I consider myself to be a normal person. I have a job, a child, a husband, a house, a car.... I don't like to define myself by my ailments or negative things that have happened in my past.  I have made it in life by being strong and independent, or what I like to think of as being independent.

However, on Thursday, while I was at work, I had a stabbing pain in my pelvic area.  It was enough to stop me in my tracks as I was walking.  The pain went away a little while later, though I felt very sore in that area.  On Friday evening, around 8:00, I was having more pain around the same area and ended up leaving to go to the hospital around 11:00.  I won't go into the hilarious, and sometimes gross, details that we witnessed while we were there, but I will say that there were cysts around my ovaries.  Typical, for someone who has PCOS.  However, there was one cyst that was there that they call a "dermoid" cyst.  If you don't know, these cysts are able to grow hair, fingernails, teeth, skin, and fat. Yes, yuck... Rewind almost 5 years ago, they found a dermoid cyst on my ovary while I was pregnant with Liam.  It needed to come out, but it was decided that it should be removed either after I had Liam or during a c-section, if I ended up having one.  Well, I ended up having a c-section and it was removed.  I can remember the doctor making some joke about the cyst (since it had hair) and, even though I was as high as a kite, I was thinking "ugh, oh my gosh"..

Fast forward to now.. I am calling the dr in the morning to have this thing checked out.  Even though I know better, I ended up reading online about the surgery and results of the surgery.  It scares the bejeezus out of me to think that they would take an an ovary or ovaries.  I am unsure about having more kids, so having my PCOS decide this fate for me is unbelievably scary.  I don't want PCOS to define me.  I don't want to let it... But, how do you tell people when they ask "are you going to have any more children?" without saying, oh, I can't, I can't because my body was against me.. I'm trying not to worry without talking to the doctor first, but the "what if's" get the best of you. 

As I sit here, with every dull ache, it makes me wonder.. Tomorrow morning can't get here fast enough to know when I will be able to see the doctor and find out what is going to happen.  I just took some medicine, so I will fall asleep soon.  I will update once I know more...